You are young
you walk
in steps I have forgotten
you dance
to words i have not known
you speak
of desires I still feel
you ache
over wounds which have long scarred
my heart
and i have long cried for you
young blood

my latest idol
i bow before
offer up my heart and soul
and body
and the best of my life
my thoughts and daydreams
are not of You
my hidden songs
are not yours
the words I speak
are painted with images
of the idol
and bowing again
before it I come

YOU CANNOT HEAL ME
you do not know my pain
YOU CANNOT COMFORT ME
you do not know why I scream
you do not see the demon that comes to me in the night
you do not feel my sickness
feel my terror
endure the fight
YOU CANNOT HOLD ME
you do not know what to protect
YOU CANNOT SHELTER ME
he will come in again

and you cannot stop him

You sit and look so tired
run your hands through your hair
and think a thousand thoughts
shuttered from the world
what haunts you my friend?
what keeps you up at nights?
keeps your smile from the day?
I pray for you my brother
     pray your restoration be complete

This cannot be a requiem mass
     for I am not gone yet
Though it feels my soul lies lost
'Tis buried 'neath the wandering stars
     and it has not come yet
To the health of one who lives

I miss what I have dreamed you to be
I miss the one I never knew
mourn that I could not understand
still cannot change
I mourn the loss
Was this your “fault”? cast blame. cast
it back upon myself

So quiet the voices come
whisper
my cry becomes a
whimper
barely breathing they come
taunting
ravish my soul
haunting
Alone the memories come
failing
to curb the weakness
fainting
Again I ask please no, please
don’t come
again my strength
won’t come

softness
falls in the hole of raging fire
falls in my heart
fills this desire
comes to my side
to take the place
of all twas lost
or never known
the voices come
stop.
no more the hole of fire

The lonliness comes in the still dark night
   and my heart shatters a thousand days
      I cannot learn to love halfway

The aching comes, brings with it loss
   of that which I cannot express
      have never held

The lonliness comes...

take these words
I take these words, pour out my soul
   I do not want you
      I lie
I ache for you, force myself inside
I want too much what I cannot have
      I hide
   how much I want you
I take these words, pour out my soul

afraid?
You are hiding as much as I
   You are scared as I am
though I don't know why
   are you afraid of me
      or am I...

You hide
    I wish that I
could make you smile
    could make you safe
once more

I don't want to hurt you
  my fear is that
I will lose you
  another friendship broken

How could you
  want me
How could you
  desire
    more?

So many fears enwrap
    my heart and I
don't want to hurt
    you, I want to be your friend

You see it as I do
    maybe more
you see all that goes on
    under the surface
and it hurts
  you
You feel as my sister does
    painful core
of hurt and wrath and loss
    bitterness and wrong
and it hurts you
You absorb all around you
    slamming door
hateful yells and glaring
    words unspoken
but no less
  said
you see but do not search it
    look but see
not

Take this heart
and let me know You
Take this life
and let me show You
Take this past
and make it new
Take this pride
and make it fall
Take this child
and make me seek You
Take this love
and make it pure

So easily distracted
mind poisoned within
tempted without
Be Thou only
within my sight

I will ravage you
I will take your heart
Your very soul
Your life to come back to Me
I will scar you
blind you
bring you
to your knees
to bring you back to Me
My Heart, my ravage
ravages me too
and I rend my heart
with your pain
for your pain
for your heart
for your love
I will not surrender
I will have my way
I will have you

I love you too much
to let you walk away
You do not know the fire into which
you walk

Do not turn away from Me
Do not walk away
Do not seek my
love
in another’s arms
another’s face
voice
charms
charm is seductive
and beauty is fleeting
Do not seek Me
in another
You will seek Me and find Me
I will be found
when you seek Me
with all your heart

I see your heart
written all over your face
your glance
your body
all speak to pain
the tenseness
and the
definition
of your
hesitation
both give away your
pain

you ask, a quiet voice,
that hides the depth
the truth
of what you feel
your plea fall on deaf ears
for peace

meet my motive
meet this heart
of purity and
sorrow as i
walk away from You
impure
it drags me
or do i run
unseeing
knowing where
i go
back again
so i cry
turn
come to You

silence echoes
impetuous sprite
it dances
in my head
as i lay on my back
tired and sore
and taken
by the flu
or whatever this is
yet a sprite dances
on tip-toe
in my head

The raindrops
tepid
a night of
new beginnings
the soft breeze
a spring of hope and
happiness
as soft it blows
round my face
bringing with it
the first wisps of
apple blossom
and echoes of children

Who are you
and why do I wait
so passionately
for you

why do I wait at all
Should I not care?
Who are you?!
Out of my head
this face from the
past

So we are friends
    my brother
  playmate
So we are friends
   do now we stay?
So we are friends
    in this I
  trust you…
So we are friends
   in this we stay?

Always fighing
always struggle
always danger
always lost
Always warring
always fighting
always losing
falling, gone

Don't touch me
    don't ask
 the answer is
       no
I need you
I need your
     touch
  I need you
I need your
     love
But I must say
       no
I must not use you
I must say no
  Until I am okay
      again...

...Please touch me
      tell me it's okay
         again...

This heart
is selfish
bitter and deceitful above all things
This heart
is crying out for love
and asking
“where are You?”
it cannot find You
but knows You’re here
Jer 29:13

So we are friends
my brother
playmate
So we are friends
do we now stay?
So we are friends
in this I
trust you…
so we are friends
in this we stay?

This heart
  is selfish
bitter and deceitful
  above all things
This heart
  is crying out for love
and asking
  Where are You?
it cannot find You
  but knows
    you’re there

Poetry
another
need
to write
and
help
my
heart
and
head
connect

LORD
 I am so dry
   I am fallen
 and crying out
   for more of You
  I cannot find You
   I fall so far away
  my head can know You
   but my heart’s not right
  my heart is disengaged
   and I want You now
  Please take me now
   please make me know You
  I am so thirsty
   and I cannot find You
  I need my day with
   You alone
  Please take me to your side again.

Always hoarding panic
Driving need to
Hide away and
Discover something
     new

So tired of fighting
   so tired of battling
  war for the soul
So tired of fighting
   to maintain focus
So tired of trying
  to stay on the line

Who is more important
   you or I
who is more self-less
  the one I
    used to be?

There is a wall
  of brick and barbed wire
In my fear
  I fall upon it
   fall behind it
  in my fear
I shut you out

In my fear
  first trembling run
In my fear
  I wounded fall
In my fear
  I turn to fight you
   screaming
  as my wounds
bleed red

In my fear
  I do not see you
In my fear
  only myself
In my fear
  my heart is hardened
In my fear
  I cannot dwell

To this fear
  Alone I come
For this fear
  I shut you out
In this fear
  my pain falls on you
From this fear
  I must walk on

must walk through brick and barbed wire.

This fear
  penetrates my soul
this fear
  tears at my heart and
    destroys
  shakes with trembling
horror
  full and running over

cast out
  demons
cast out
  fear
cast down
  terror
call to
  love

Abuse

We walk
dead
we posture
a skeleton
inside

We crawl
fall
disbelieving
in denial
lost

the bones
shatter
ideals
fall
breached by the
truth

break the
deathmask
feel the
pain
heal the
torment
lived again
to heal...

Please let me know
how I can help you
how I can know you
I want to see you
for who you are

Let me discover
your multiple fascets
Let me see your
unseen sides
let me know
what makes you smile
Let me feel
what makes you cry

I will take
the years and
yearnings
I will walk
the miles aside
I will wait
in dark and
silence
just to see your unseen side

(for Sarah)

today
   Today I cannot
do this
   I cannot focus
I am too tired
   I need to sleep
I push too hard
   and must find a break
      a release

I wish I could get inside your head
   why are you so cold to me
did you see my eyes before I hid
   emotions unallowed?
did you feel the hesitation
   did you sense my wanton ways?
I would not ask this of you
   I would not take you there
   I would not take this road with you
your arrogance masks something
   I do not know how to break through.

an experiment with cliches

Familiarity breeds contempt
   intensity brings with it fear
I walk away, am drawn to you
   like a moth drawn to the flame

We must walk apart I know
   we are playing with fire
but both of us are dancing this
   line drawn in the sand
      and the tide is coming in

Prophet
poet
neither am I
yet I write
pour out my soul
see visions
watch the people
reflect on the world
hung silent
in the crest of rain

a soft hum from the vents
a slow breath from the chair
the sound of a newspaper
crackle
the world revolves in
black and white
and a picture
caught between

I have written no poems about you
I have written no sonnets in your name
I have asked no question of your heart
I have walked with you alone

I have sung no song nor danced before you
Given myself not to you, my heart
Is silent, hiding, comes not to see you
Walk together hearts alone

I despise this place of torment
   I hate the fear
      the hesitancy
the knowledge that I
   must move on
I hate this face I must
   put on
this love, this openess
   that I know will
      close
   will lose
and my heart
   I
   will break again
how long this
   selfishness
Before I care more
   for them
      than for the pain
   to them or me
They need me now
   you gave me
I cannot walk away
   must not
      walk away
   must be open
      broken

Why do I feel like
   I'm waiting for you
You are not mine
   have not been given
are not even here

80 years huh?
   we'll see if I
grow up before then
   I will not wait
   for your return

Lord, I am so dry
I am fallen
and crying out
for more of You
I cannot find You
I fall so far away
my head can know You
but my heart’s not right
my heart is disengaged
and I want You now
Please take me more
please make me know You
I am so thirsty
and I cannot find You
I need my day with
You alone
Please take me to your side again

Bottled Up

I can’t force poems
    but I want to write
    need to write
    need the release
but i’m so tired
    and the words won’t
       come
they bottle up inside me
       like emotion
the emotions they won’t
       express
     all bottled up

walk apart

Were you given?
That’s the questions that rages my mind:
Were you mine
for a time
as a friends
…are you still?
We both know we walk our paths alone
Yet maybe
for a time
walk as friends
…walk we still?

I do not ask
for more than friends, I know you cannot give
nor I take
For this time
walk alone
…still you come
Our paths are split and rage against us
take from us
take this time
…walk apart…

Everything I write has already been written
   said by men far greater than I
the words the emotion the syntax the rhyme
   all the gifts of another man's time

intensity burns
    the flame rages
      deep
and the fire
   kindles
      low
a spark may shoot
   or fireworks
within some
   lover's walk
our flame burns deep
   and grows
      with each
word we speak
   and look
      we share
the sparks will fly
   but requiem
      to the
   sodden glow
of core soul knowledge
   understanding
of the love
      bigger than our own
   our frailty
the love broken
   to bring
      life

A floating memory
  a hesitation
i like that word
  i think
i cannot sit
  or focus
    or move
  with any sort of
    intent
  in this classroom
I am chained

blessed madness (ADHD)

I cannot focus
   close my eyes
afraid to dream
   long for blackness
long for silence
   long for quiet
in my mind
   i cry


This blessed curse
   gift of madness


words cannot express
   will not still
but stir these
   maddening thoughts


Frustration
   wars within the members
of my body
   i want to be off
it all

Words
   simple words
mock my world
   the world i know
i see
   so differently
the frustration comes

over things i see
   and understand
but cannot place
   in words

Him
    Who is he?
Where is he?
    And do I know him?
       have I hurt my friends
    on his behalf?
       been not loving?
    not knowing
       to reach the needs
          that are first
       that are known
heal me
    and take
    him
until he is given

release
I need to not be here
it’s making me sick
I will bring my computer
to the second class
because I need to
I need to have that secondary release
that release

but a dream...
A daydream
flying silver
flows across the page
in flowing lines
like an ancient feather pen
a drifting sea
a widow’s walk
a quiet sea
and storm clouds fly
above the clipper ship
far off it comes
but sailing far
to ports unknown
and carrying treasure
untold
Simple dreams
I don’t understand
where and what
there is so much I “know”
but so much I can’t understand
And all I know are facts
a simple dream
I cannot put down
have given up
but cannot shake
And do you give it back to me?

spill
I must write something
feel my hand move
watch the ink spill
out across the page
I must create
I want to have a lego day
or work on Greek
while sitting in a tree
but I couldn’t sit still
and I need to run
or do something!
but I don’t want to miss lunch
‘cause he might be there
WHAT A HOLD HE HAS ON MY LIFE
except he doesn’t
I need people
but I need you more
he just reminds me of You
do I really want to go?

thirsty
I am thirsty
    dry and parched
a fainting wave
    crashes across me
and I cry
“THIRSTY!”
Water
Living Water
    unending purity
       of water
washes over me
    and am I but a dream

lost
  broken
  all is lost
fallen
  pieces
only remember
  what
    used to be
when things were
  good

how long...
How long can I dance with fire
   before I am consumed in flame
ashes crown my pheonix head
   wings lay torn where I fell

a world shatters
    broken dreams and
    dashed hopes
    crumble
and rise
as walls
    are built
i love my sis
ansd she is in pain
    that i cannot help
        cannot heal
    cannot give her back
her child

I am broken, unworthy
not good enough
this i do not deny
the more I see of myself
the more I hurt
and wrench to look away
my own misery a
sad shell
for this twisted
child
barely human
contorted skin
of flesh
And I can’t do it
I can’t heal
I stand on pride
this little crumb of worth
that crumbles beneath me
I’m not good enough
I never have been
and there is no way
I ever will be
I don’t know why you chose me
and even that security
is tentative
because you have no reason
to hold
anytime you could
leave
and you would be perfectly justified
And I feel alone and barren
You say you will not leave
but I am scared to trust
I would leave
if I were You
and the more I see of myself
through your eyes
how incapable
how imperfect
how unworthy
the more I cower in fear
and shame
I cannot make you love me
you push me to the breaking point
and over
to prove to me what I cannot
do
how much I cannot earn
do not deserve
and I shake in terror

I love you, honest I do
but even that is not pure
not whole
not good enough
meaningless
without You

I need You
I totally don’t deserve You or understand You
or have any claim to You
but You offer yourself and I need You
This worthless child
you have made worthy
depravity You take for holiness
and I need You!
Please come, Lord Jesus

    insufficient
God i can’t
That is my heart’s cry
  And You say, “I can.”
but my heart’s not big enough
to allow you even that

GOD, I AM BROKEN
I AM YOUR CHILD AND I AM BROKEN
UNWORTHY.
YOU SAY YOU SENT CHRIST AND
I SAY HE DIDN’T DO A VERY GOOD JOB
if this is what you ended up with…

I wish I could believe I was worthwhile
I wish I could believe I was priceless,
    without measure
I wish I could believe that God knew what
    He was doing
when He said my creation was complete
    but sometimes I’m not so sure anymore

I wish I could see how He’s bringing this together
I wish I could see how He plans to use this child
I am broken, incomplete, but He says I am
    whole
And He uses me… I want to say He lies

I want to say He fools Himself
I want to say He is foolish to try
I see His hand in my life
But I still say I am broken
He says I am whole
      And we fight
This war of the heart

Our Children Cannot Go Back
We
have come over a long road
to the place where we are now
   in human experience
and in our knowledge

I want my life to smell like
  pumpkin spice and burning leaves
  strawberries in the rain
I want my life to look like
  fireflies in the night
  the light of a thousand stars
  a single candle burning
    to touch a hundred others
  before the burn dies down
    eternal flame to be relit
  by the heat of the Son
    Carry me

I’m sorry God
so sorry
I tried again
on my own
but I wasn’t good enough
I claimed You
but didn’t mean it
my self-reliant will
so independent
tried to do it on my own

Take my heart again God
i fall broken and exhausted before You
You made me for yourself
and I fall on your mercy
please take me back
to your heart again
and let me be a ministry

i want…

place of dragons: sore broken

last night
  you were so tired
  sore broken
    in the place of dragons
  and I could not comfort you

place of dragons: pt. II

tears fall, shudder
attempt escape
within my heart
breaking me in a way
that cannot mend
tears fall, shudder
attempt escape
within my heart
for what I cannot do
and cannot give

hand that trembles
at what I cannot touch
lips as what I
cannot say
break the tears
from their place of hiding
pour them forth
in this simple
touch of pen
…touch of pain
i’d heal you if i could

The Summer of My 21st Year

The summer of my 21st year,
  i fell in love with You
  and broke your heart again
Followed the road to places unseen
  with people i did not know
    best friends now
Marvelled at wonders
  and dreamed dreams
Struggled to keep
  my head above water
  when all i wanted to do was drown
learned more about the strength
    to be found in faith
  and how little I have on my own
wondered at my insecurity
  incapability
and the unending love that surounds me
  from You
I lost something precious,
    taken by your hand,
gained contentment
   made a friend,
     regained my youth;
played at the beach and
  jumped in puddles,
climbed a tree and
  read a book;
i rode a motorcycle,
  chased the rain
kissed the rain... and was kissed in return
 ~sweet breath of God!~
i walked through a cloud
  chased a rainbow
    ...wished on a star...
    planted flowers
  played in the dirt
    danced for joy among the thorns
In the summer of my 21st year
  we travelled many restless days
  so You could bring me home again.

What child is this?
Why you should
Come I know not
Or understand the
Love that
Incarnation
Could bring

(from start of poem 4.14.02)

confused

Don't touch me
don't ask
the answer is
no
I need you
I need your
touch
I need you
I need your
love
But I must say
no
I must not use you
I must say no
Until I am okay
again...

...Please touch me
tell me it's okay
again...

All emotion falls
in the chasm
between you
and me
Nothing seems to
bridge the gap
it falls unseen
unrecognized
...or does it?

tears fall, shudder,
        attempt escape
    within my heart
breaking me in a way that cannot mend
tears fall, shudder,
        attempt escape
        within my heart
for what I cannot do
    and cannot give

hand that trembles
    at what I cannot touch
lips at what I
    cannot say
break the tears
    from their place of hiding
    pour them forth
        in this simple
        touch of pen
            ...touch of pen
        i'd heal you if i could

seperate

Duty and passion
  do they have to be
    so far apart
  so tenuous a glimpse
    trembling
  of the one
firm grasp
    of the other
  first covenant
    commitment
      made
  before this day
    must they be ever seperate?

Driven

So driven
   everyone else
      falls on the
   shoal
      of your
   "plans"
So driven
   if we don't fit
      in with your
   goals
      or your
   "plans"
We're out

Where do you
   hold your friendships
Where do you
   set your goals, your
      "plans"
And where does God fit in?

what happened to
      love your neighbor
   -- love your brother
      love your sis --
We miss you
   taking backseat to your
      "plans"

the cry

I hate the person I am right now
the person I am when I’m tired
I hate the way I forget people
am selfish
in denial
and I need to learn to say hi

such a simple thing
just tell him hi
but I’m too incoherent
even to think it
and now it’s too late…
  please give me another
    chance

The only thing about Kansas
is that there is no water
no lake
no pond
no flowing streams
through trees
I could live almost
anywhere
And I could love Kansas
except that there is
no water

Jealousy

Jealousy
  eyes the color of his shirt
  jealous eyes
  watch him with her
I want this to be over
I don’t want to feel this anymore
I want this to be over
  he has far too much
   influence
  on my life
Take him

What child is this
Why You should
   come I do not know
      understand
i would not have come
   would not have
      loved
   as you did

Where is my focus?
It's off You again
You are my commitment
I want You to be my
Lover
Why are my eyes
wandering again
You are my beautiful face
beautiful soul
Return to my dreams
and haunt me again
Let your pursuit of me
be bold
and relentless
Call me from this whore's life
I hide in so uneasily
Taking less-wild lovers
poor substitutes
for your
all-consuming passion
Paying me for a night...
or am I the one who pays
by the rape pf all things
dear to me?
Why do I run?!
I know You!
I know your face
I know your love...
yet I let go
I sneak from our bed
to the arms of another
and weep
at the loss of all I have truly known

This whole jumble of emotions
All so new
...so lonely at times
and unexplained

Triad

I walk away
   So insufficient
so many times
      Falling on my face again
when to your arms I should run
you take my far-fetched ideas
       Take me
       my hands and hopes and dreams
       use me
       turn my thoughts to you
       claim me
       steal me from all who would distract
Pull me
       Let none take me
out of the grasp
       none claim me
of this world
       but those for whom I am given
    of my
And humble me
    mind
       genuinely
    of all but you
Turning me back again
What do you want
     to your face
    from me?
     Your glory
    Your glory
     to You
    in me
     …my Lover
    take me

Psalm 121
I will lift up mine eyes
    unto the hills
from whence cometh my help
My help cometh from the LORD,
    which made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot
    to be moved:
He that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Behold, He that keepeth Israel
    shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is thy keeper:
    the LORD is thy shade
    upon thy right hand.
The sun shall not smite thee by day
    nor the moon by night.
The LORD shall preserve thee from
    all evil:
He shall preserve thy soul.
The LORD shall preserve thy
    going out
and thy coming in
from this time forth
and forevermore.

I see now why I didn't see you before
   why i didn't know
      didn't care
you were just a pretty face
   in many ways you
      still are
sometimes you go so deep
   it amazes me
but sometimes you need
   to grow up
Some things are so basic

Reflection on "The Kiss"
Fist clenched
   at his side
...not quite tight
   fingers curled
as control
   must win
Passion rages
      in his mouth
   in hers
but he will not
   touch her
she will not
   touch him
They are chaste
   passion
      and
   innocence
   intertwined
for a moment
   on this street
in Paris.

last night
    you were so tired
    sore broken
        in the place of dragons
    and i could not comfort you

Simple things
treasured for their smallness
for their thought
for the power that
lies in their creation

zippers furl
   and class is almost out

Taken
Pain she was in
      now gone
   replaced with new
      temporary
   I hope
Fear she was in
      now gone
   replaced with hope
      permanent
   I pray
You weave her life
      and body
   into one grand expression
      to glorify you
   take her

guilty I come to you
      on my belly again
      crawl before you
      struggling to repent
      saying, “I’m sorry”
      but taking it back
      because I don’t
      mean it

how does my heart
       get so hard before you
       that I wouldn’t care
       How can I make
       another
             my god?

Do I trust you enough
       to give over to you
       all my life and heart?
       You built it
              guarded it
              died for it
              died for me…
       You hold me in the palm
           of your hand
       and I try to scramble
       out between your fingers
       freefalling to a chasm
       you never let me reach

Pick me up
       hold me Jesus
       comfort me to you
       cradle me
       to your heart

Love me, God
       though I am weak
       I want to know you
       seek your face
       more than all others

guilty I come to you
       crawling once again
       on the palm of your hand
       belly down face to the ground
       I am sorry, God
       so sorry!
       … and this time i mean it
       it pours from my heart
       I cannot live without you
             do not want to
             I miss you
             tremble for you
             weep within my soul
             as I break before you
             unable to heal myself
             unable to comfort myself
             unable to come to you

So I lay before you
             guilty
       cradled in the palm of nail-scarred hands.

Angels Weep
(Baptism)

Angels weep in heaven today
A child’s soul is taken
And committed without her knowledge
Into a relationship she may never seek
Thinking the work is done

Beyond Description

I search for words to describe you
But they do not come
I force them out but they mock me
Turning you into something you are not

you lay beyond definition
If one remains objective.
How do I wrap you in a weave of words
Without revealing my heart?

Already you have become a part of me.

A song rises in me
a tune I do not know
a song that is not familiar
a melody of notes in
harmony yet dissonant
in a pleasing way
A song of confusion
and uncertainty
     and excitement
  of the vaguely known

Church Lights

Yellow on white
Reflecting light and
Shadows cast
Upon the past
Made new.

“A” is for Apathy

You sit there
Mocking me
For how I let you
Cut me down
How I gave myself
Over to your
Betrayal
You sit there
Mocking me
By how little you know
How little you care
For what we had.
You don’t know
How much you mean
to me
The times I told you
You never listened
Never believed
Never accepted
And now our friendship
Dies
Because you don’t know
Because you refuse to know.
And because you don’t care.

Bethany

Tiny dancer
Soul sings to You
Twisting, turning
Bursting forth
Unable to contain
Her smile of joy
At your unending
     love

On Faith
I don’t understand you, God
It doesn’t make sense
   how Jesus is you
I know it’s true
I don’t doubt, really.
I just don’t understand.

The focus is me…
   Always me…
When the focus is you
Sometimes its clearer.
Sometimes its not.
You confuse me.

So far outside my finite
   human mind
So much bigger and
   all consuming
But how do we know you’re even there?
I know the arguments
I can recite the facts
You’re the one I don’t understand
   can’t recite
   can’t box up
   into an easy little package


[Zephaniah 3:17 – “The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty, He will save, He will rejoice over thee with joy, he will rest in his love, He will joy over thee with singing.”]

poems sit within my room
surrounded by pages and
covers of my books
revealing my heart
to no one but
those who know where
to look, how
to see
into my soul

Beyond You

I cannot love you
Indeed I must not
But somehow that gets rather confused
When I am with you
Or without

I should not be jealous
Indeed I must not
But somehow that gets rather confused
When she is with you
I without

So what is this emotion
This pull far beyond
What is this insanity
That threatens on all sides to consume me
Beyond you.

Brittany

Lavender and lime
Flowers in the sun
Pool parties, make-up
Boys and teddy bears
Girl turning woman
In the blink of an eye
Soft heart seeks You
Crumbles at others’ pain
Wanting to comfort
And take from them
Anything that would hurt.
Bubbling with joy…
No holding back
She lives the fullness
     of You.

Confrontation (The Waiting)

Hold your breath
Take your chances
Lay it all on the line.
These words could cost you
Everything
Or they could bring
It back again
There’s no way of knowing
Until it’s gone
And received
What the repercussions are.
Fears race past rational
Thoughts, feeling,
Then anger and
The quest for justice
For right and truth
to prevail
and in the midst of it all
you feel sick.
Because you don’t want
To lose a friend
But if he’s not really there now,
What’s the point?
What’s there to lose?