lost
  broken
  all is lost
fallen
  pieces
only remember
  what
    used to be
when things were
  good

how long...
How long can I dance with fire
   before I am consumed in flame
ashes crown my pheonix head
   wings lay torn where I fell

a world shatters
    broken dreams and
    dashed hopes
    crumble
and rise
as walls
    are built
i love my sis
ansd she is in pain
    that i cannot help
        cannot heal
    cannot give her back
her child

I am broken, unworthy
not good enough
this i do not deny
the more I see of myself
the more I hurt
and wrench to look away
my own misery a
sad shell
for this twisted
child
barely human
contorted skin
of flesh
And I can’t do it
I can’t heal
I stand on pride
this little crumb of worth
that crumbles beneath me
I’m not good enough
I never have been
and there is no way
I ever will be
I don’t know why you chose me
and even that security
is tentative
because you have no reason
to hold
anytime you could
leave
and you would be perfectly justified
And I feel alone and barren
You say you will not leave
but I am scared to trust
I would leave
if I were You
and the more I see of myself
through your eyes
how incapable
how imperfect
how unworthy
the more I cower in fear
and shame
I cannot make you love me
you push me to the breaking point
and over
to prove to me what I cannot
do
how much I cannot earn
do not deserve
and I shake in terror

I love you, honest I do
but even that is not pure
not whole
not good enough
meaningless
without You

I need You
I totally don’t deserve You or understand You
or have any claim to You
but You offer yourself and I need You
This worthless child
you have made worthy
depravity You take for holiness
and I need You!
Please come, Lord Jesus

    insufficient
God i can’t
That is my heart’s cry
  And You say, “I can.”
but my heart’s not big enough
to allow you even that

GOD, I AM BROKEN
I AM YOUR CHILD AND I AM BROKEN
UNWORTHY.
YOU SAY YOU SENT CHRIST AND
I SAY HE DIDN’T DO A VERY GOOD JOB
if this is what you ended up with…

I wish I could believe I was worthwhile
I wish I could believe I was priceless,
    without measure
I wish I could believe that God knew what
    He was doing
when He said my creation was complete
    but sometimes I’m not so sure anymore

I wish I could see how He’s bringing this together
I wish I could see how He plans to use this child
I am broken, incomplete, but He says I am
    whole
And He uses me… I want to say He lies

I want to say He fools Himself
I want to say He is foolish to try
I see His hand in my life
But I still say I am broken
He says I am whole
      And we fight
This war of the heart