This heart
  is selfish
bitter and deceitful
  above all things
This heart
  is crying out for love
and asking
  Where are You?
it cannot find You
  but knows
    you’re there

Poetry
another
need
to write
and
help
my
heart
and
head
connect

LORD
 I am so dry
   I am fallen
 and crying out
   for more of You
  I cannot find You
   I fall so far away
  my head can know You
   but my heart’s not right
  my heart is disengaged
   and I want You now
  Please take me now
   please make me know You
  I am so thirsty
   and I cannot find You
  I need my day with
   You alone
  Please take me to your side again.

Always hoarding panic
Driving need to
Hide away and
Discover something
     new

So tired of fighting
   so tired of battling
  war for the soul
So tired of fighting
   to maintain focus
So tired of trying
  to stay on the line

Who is more important
   you or I
who is more self-less
  the one I
    used to be?

There is a wall
  of brick and barbed wire
In my fear
  I fall upon it
   fall behind it
  in my fear
I shut you out

In my fear
  first trembling run
In my fear
  I wounded fall
In my fear
  I turn to fight you
   screaming
  as my wounds
bleed red

In my fear
  I do not see you
In my fear
  only myself
In my fear
  my heart is hardened
In my fear
  I cannot dwell

To this fear
  Alone I come
For this fear
  I shut you out
In this fear
  my pain falls on you
From this fear
  I must walk on

must walk through brick and barbed wire.

This fear
  penetrates my soul
this fear
  tears at my heart and
    destroys
  shakes with trembling
horror
  full and running over

cast out
  demons
cast out
  fear
cast down
  terror
call to
  love

Abuse

We walk
dead
we posture
a skeleton
inside

We crawl
fall
disbelieving
in denial
lost

the bones
shatter
ideals
fall
breached by the
truth

break the
deathmask
feel the
pain
heal the
torment
lived again
to heal...

Please let me know
how I can help you
how I can know you
I want to see you
for who you are

Let me discover
your multiple fascets
Let me see your
unseen sides
let me know
what makes you smile
Let me feel
what makes you cry

I will take
the years and
yearnings
I will walk
the miles aside
I will wait
in dark and
silence
just to see your unseen side

(for Sarah)

today
   Today I cannot
do this
   I cannot focus
I am too tired
   I need to sleep
I push too hard
   and must find a break
      a release

I wish I could get inside your head
   why are you so cold to me
did you see my eyes before I hid
   emotions unallowed?
did you feel the hesitation
   did you sense my wanton ways?
I would not ask this of you
   I would not take you there
   I would not take this road with you
your arrogance masks something
   I do not know how to break through.

an experiment with cliches

Familiarity breeds contempt
   intensity brings with it fear
I walk away, am drawn to you
   like a moth drawn to the flame

We must walk apart I know
   we are playing with fire
but both of us are dancing this
   line drawn in the sand
      and the tide is coming in

Prophet
poet
neither am I
yet I write
pour out my soul
see visions
watch the people
reflect on the world
hung silent
in the crest of rain

a soft hum from the vents
a slow breath from the chair
the sound of a newspaper
crackle
the world revolves in
black and white
and a picture
caught between

I have written no poems about you
I have written no sonnets in your name
I have asked no question of your heart
I have walked with you alone

I have sung no song nor danced before you
Given myself not to you, my heart
Is silent, hiding, comes not to see you
Walk together hearts alone

I despise this place of torment
   I hate the fear
      the hesitancy
the knowledge that I
   must move on
I hate this face I must
   put on
this love, this openess
   that I know will
      close
   will lose
and my heart
   I
   will break again
how long this
   selfishness
Before I care more
   for them
      than for the pain
   to them or me
They need me now
   you gave me
I cannot walk away
   must not
      walk away
   must be open
      broken

Why do I feel like
   I'm waiting for you
You are not mine
   have not been given
are not even here

80 years huh?
   we'll see if I
grow up before then
   I will not wait
   for your return

Lord, I am so dry
I am fallen
and crying out
for more of You
I cannot find You
I fall so far away
my head can know You
but my heart’s not right
my heart is disengaged
and I want You now
Please take me more
please make me know You
I am so thirsty
and I cannot find You
I need my day with
You alone
Please take me to your side again

Bottled Up

I can’t force poems
    but I want to write
    need to write
    need the release
but i’m so tired
    and the words won’t
       come
they bottle up inside me
       like emotion
the emotions they won’t
       express
     all bottled up

walk apart

Were you given?
That’s the questions that rages my mind:
Were you mine
for a time
as a friends
…are you still?
We both know we walk our paths alone
Yet maybe
for a time
walk as friends
…walk we still?

I do not ask
for more than friends, I know you cannot give
nor I take
For this time
walk alone
…still you come
Our paths are split and rage against us
take from us
take this time
…walk apart…

Everything I write has already been written
   said by men far greater than I
the words the emotion the syntax the rhyme
   all the gifts of another man's time