silence echoes
impetuous sprite
it dances
in my head
as i lay on my back
tired and sore
and taken
by the flu
or whatever this is
yet a sprite dances
on tip-toe
in my head

The raindrops
tepid
a night of
new beginnings
the soft breeze
a spring of hope and
happiness
as soft it blows
round my face
bringing with it
the first wisps of
apple blossom
and echoes of children

Who are you
and why do I wait
so passionately
for you

why do I wait at all
Should I not care?
Who are you?!
Out of my head
this face from the
past

So we are friends
    my brother
  playmate
So we are friends
   do now we stay?
So we are friends
    in this I
  trust you…
So we are friends
   in this we stay?

Always fighing
always struggle
always danger
always lost
Always warring
always fighting
always losing
falling, gone

Don't touch me
    don't ask
 the answer is
       no
I need you
I need your
     touch
  I need you
I need your
     love
But I must say
       no
I must not use you
I must say no
  Until I am okay
      again...

...Please touch me
      tell me it's okay
         again...

This heart
is selfish
bitter and deceitful above all things
This heart
is crying out for love
and asking
“where are You?”
it cannot find You
but knows You’re here
Jer 29:13

So we are friends
my brother
playmate
So we are friends
do we now stay?
So we are friends
in this I
trust you…
so we are friends
in this we stay?

This heart
  is selfish
bitter and deceitful
  above all things
This heart
  is crying out for love
and asking
  Where are You?
it cannot find You
  but knows
    you’re there

Poetry
another
need
to write
and
help
my
heart
and
head
connect

LORD
 I am so dry
   I am fallen
 and crying out
   for more of You
  I cannot find You
   I fall so far away
  my head can know You
   but my heart’s not right
  my heart is disengaged
   and I want You now
  Please take me now
   please make me know You
  I am so thirsty
   and I cannot find You
  I need my day with
   You alone
  Please take me to your side again.

Always hoarding panic
Driving need to
Hide away and
Discover something
     new

So tired of fighting
   so tired of battling
  war for the soul
So tired of fighting
   to maintain focus
So tired of trying
  to stay on the line

Who is more important
   you or I
who is more self-less
  the one I
    used to be?

There is a wall
  of brick and barbed wire
In my fear
  I fall upon it
   fall behind it
  in my fear
I shut you out

In my fear
  first trembling run
In my fear
  I wounded fall
In my fear
  I turn to fight you
   screaming
  as my wounds
bleed red

In my fear
  I do not see you
In my fear
  only myself
In my fear
  my heart is hardened
In my fear
  I cannot dwell

To this fear
  Alone I come
For this fear
  I shut you out
In this fear
  my pain falls on you
From this fear
  I must walk on

must walk through brick and barbed wire.

This fear
  penetrates my soul
this fear
  tears at my heart and
    destroys
  shakes with trembling
horror
  full and running over

cast out
  demons
cast out
  fear
cast down
  terror
call to
  love

Abuse

We walk
dead
we posture
a skeleton
inside

We crawl
fall
disbelieving
in denial
lost

the bones
shatter
ideals
fall
breached by the
truth

break the
deathmask
feel the
pain
heal the
torment
lived again
to heal...

Please let me know
how I can help you
how I can know you
I want to see you
for who you are

Let me discover
your multiple fascets
Let me see your
unseen sides
let me know
what makes you smile
Let me feel
what makes you cry

I will take
the years and
yearnings
I will walk
the miles aside
I will wait
in dark and
silence
just to see your unseen side

(for Sarah)

today
   Today I cannot
do this
   I cannot focus
I am too tired
   I need to sleep
I push too hard
   and must find a break
      a release

I wish I could get inside your head
   why are you so cold to me
did you see my eyes before I hid
   emotions unallowed?
did you feel the hesitation
   did you sense my wanton ways?
I would not ask this of you
   I would not take you there
   I would not take this road with you
your arrogance masks something
   I do not know how to break through.