confused

Don't touch me
don't ask
the answer is
no
I need you
I need your
touch
I need you
I need your
love
But I must say
no
I must not use you
I must say no
Until I am okay
again...

...Please touch me
tell me it's okay
again...

All emotion falls
in the chasm
between you
and me
Nothing seems to
bridge the gap
it falls unseen
unrecognized
...or does it?

tears fall, shudder,
        attempt escape
    within my heart
breaking me in a way that cannot mend
tears fall, shudder,
        attempt escape
        within my heart
for what I cannot do
    and cannot give

hand that trembles
    at what I cannot touch
lips at what I
    cannot say
break the tears
    from their place of hiding
    pour them forth
        in this simple
        touch of pen
            ...touch of pen
        i'd heal you if i could

seperate

Duty and passion
  do they have to be
    so far apart
  so tenuous a glimpse
    trembling
  of the one
firm grasp
    of the other
  first covenant
    commitment
      made
  before this day
    must they be ever seperate?

Driven

So driven
   everyone else
      falls on the
   shoal
      of your
   "plans"
So driven
   if we don't fit
      in with your
   goals
      or your
   "plans"
We're out

Where do you
   hold your friendships
Where do you
   set your goals, your
      "plans"
And where does God fit in?

what happened to
      love your neighbor
   -- love your brother
      love your sis --
We miss you
   taking backseat to your
      "plans"

the cry

I hate the person I am right now
the person I am when I’m tired
I hate the way I forget people
am selfish
in denial
and I need to learn to say hi

such a simple thing
just tell him hi
but I’m too incoherent
even to think it
and now it’s too late…
  please give me another
    chance

The only thing about Kansas
is that there is no water
no lake
no pond
no flowing streams
through trees
I could live almost
anywhere
And I could love Kansas
except that there is
no water

Jealousy

Jealousy
  eyes the color of his shirt
  jealous eyes
  watch him with her
I want this to be over
I don’t want to feel this anymore
I want this to be over
  he has far too much
   influence
  on my life
Take him

What child is this
Why You should
   come I do not know
      understand
i would not have come
   would not have
      loved
   as you did

Where is my focus?
It's off You again
You are my commitment
I want You to be my
Lover
Why are my eyes
wandering again
You are my beautiful face
beautiful soul
Return to my dreams
and haunt me again
Let your pursuit of me
be bold
and relentless
Call me from this whore's life
I hide in so uneasily
Taking less-wild lovers
poor substitutes
for your
all-consuming passion
Paying me for a night...
or am I the one who pays
by the rape pf all things
dear to me?
Why do I run?!
I know You!
I know your face
I know your love...
yet I let go
I sneak from our bed
to the arms of another
and weep
at the loss of all I have truly known

This whole jumble of emotions
All so new
...so lonely at times
and unexplained

Triad

I walk away
   So insufficient
so many times
      Falling on my face again
when to your arms I should run
you take my far-fetched ideas
       Take me
       my hands and hopes and dreams
       use me
       turn my thoughts to you
       claim me
       steal me from all who would distract
Pull me
       Let none take me
out of the grasp
       none claim me
of this world
       but those for whom I am given
    of my
And humble me
    mind
       genuinely
    of all but you
Turning me back again
What do you want
     to your face
    from me?
     Your glory
    Your glory
     to You
    in me
     …my Lover
    take me

Psalm 121
I will lift up mine eyes
    unto the hills
from whence cometh my help
My help cometh from the LORD,
    which made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot
    to be moved:
He that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Behold, He that keepeth Israel
    shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is thy keeper:
    the LORD is thy shade
    upon thy right hand.
The sun shall not smite thee by day
    nor the moon by night.
The LORD shall preserve thee from
    all evil:
He shall preserve thy soul.
The LORD shall preserve thy
    going out
and thy coming in
from this time forth
and forevermore.

I see now why I didn't see you before
   why i didn't know
      didn't care
you were just a pretty face
   in many ways you
      still are
sometimes you go so deep
   it amazes me
but sometimes you need
   to grow up
Some things are so basic

Reflection on "The Kiss"
Fist clenched
   at his side
...not quite tight
   fingers curled
as control
   must win
Passion rages
      in his mouth
   in hers
but he will not
   touch her
she will not
   touch him
They are chaste
   passion
      and
   innocence
   intertwined
for a moment
   on this street
in Paris.

last night
    you were so tired
    sore broken
        in the place of dragons
    and i could not comfort you

Simple things
treasured for their smallness
for their thought
for the power that
lies in their creation

zippers furl
   and class is almost out

Taken
Pain she was in
      now gone
   replaced with new
      temporary
   I hope
Fear she was in
      now gone
   replaced with hope
      permanent
   I pray
You weave her life
      and body
   into one grand expression
      to glorify you
   take her

guilty I come to you
      on my belly again
      crawl before you
      struggling to repent
      saying, “I’m sorry”
      but taking it back
      because I don’t
      mean it

how does my heart
       get so hard before you
       that I wouldn’t care
       How can I make
       another
             my god?

Do I trust you enough
       to give over to you
       all my life and heart?
       You built it
              guarded it
              died for it
              died for me…
       You hold me in the palm
           of your hand
       and I try to scramble
       out between your fingers
       freefalling to a chasm
       you never let me reach

Pick me up
       hold me Jesus
       comfort me to you
       cradle me
       to your heart

Love me, God
       though I am weak
       I want to know you
       seek your face
       more than all others

guilty I come to you
       crawling once again
       on the palm of your hand
       belly down face to the ground
       I am sorry, God
       so sorry!
       … and this time i mean it
       it pours from my heart
       I cannot live without you
             do not want to
             I miss you
             tremble for you
             weep within my soul
             as I break before you
             unable to heal myself
             unable to comfort myself
             unable to come to you

So I lay before you
             guilty
       cradled in the palm of nail-scarred hands.

Angels Weep
(Baptism)

Angels weep in heaven today
A child’s soul is taken
And committed without her knowledge
Into a relationship she may never seek
Thinking the work is done